it hurts more in the daytime
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
