She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
