ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
