We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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