Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
