how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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