Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
