Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
