I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's never too late to be topless.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i believe in u and ur pee
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