Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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