i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
