She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
