I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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