you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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