I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
