My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You were trust falling into bushes
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
