I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
