Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
