Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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