i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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