I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
