im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
