Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize