the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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