babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize