5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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