So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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