I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also, beer. Big fan.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
