1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
