one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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