I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
