my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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