i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize