Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
