I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
