Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
