wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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