Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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