Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
