I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
