i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
