I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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