Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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