You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize