Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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