She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
is wine microwaveable?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
