I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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