p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
