We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
