I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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