I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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