The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
