I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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