I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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