Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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