I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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