Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
