sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
