Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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