My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
