Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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