the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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